confusion.

Confusion is what we feel when we tend to lose (a little bit) of faith to Allah.

Confusion is something that shaitaan likes, and encourages us even more to feel it.

For a person like me, I get confused a lot but that does not mean that I am losing faith in Allah, no (i really hope its not!). In life, certain people tend to confuse me with the things they say, the things they do and most important the way they think (opinions i mean). To live without this would be nice but what is life then if you dont mingle with other people? What is life without challenges, or in this case confusions to overcome? Now, I am more confused.

It is also scary how I tend to make decisions all the time, and when I do, I usually regret it. That is scary, so scary. The reason why I dare myself to write this out is because I've been through it and confusion being my best friend haunts me all the time because I am never sure if what I feel/what I do is right at that specific moment.

Which is why sometimes (most of the time), I prefer spending time on my own where I feel calm with my own thoughts. Introvert is the word but at the same time, I dont mind expressing what I have to say in public because really nobody is going to care on what you have to say about certain things unless it is against the religion (lets avoid that).

What I learnt in 2014 is that, nobody actually cares about you so everything you do, everything you wear, everything you think, everything you feel are for yourself and nobody else. I tend to be so amazed when I see people who are so determined to get what they want out of life. Failure and confusion are just the little (not so little i guess) things they have to face to learn the meaning of struggling.

Confusion makes me ask myself; how am I a better slave (of Allah)? how am I a better daughter? how am I a better friend? how am I a better student? - I wouldnt say these questions make you depressed, but they actually do. This is also over-thinking and shaitaan loves that more than anything because it is so easy for them to sneak in and overpower myself. 

So now im confused, should I sit back & relax or think all about all these things?