Ramadhan, are you leaving?

hi and salam everyone! today, as im procrastinating in studying equine medicine, i shall write a few of my thoughts regarding my ramadhan experience this year. first of all, alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the opportunity to experience ramadhan once again this year as i realise that many dont have the opportunity to because it's their time to be called back home before/in the holy month of ramadhan. Alhamdulillah.

I was always so worried about myself and my ibadaah. i know that i have always been inconsistent in maintaining it. i dont want to give reasonings such as lack of time, it's not compulsory etc etc as an excuse when actually im just plain lazy. the fear is there and i think it will always stay that way. it's beautiful how in ramadhan you can see people trying their best to become better, and i hope that i can be one of those people. frankly, up until today (24 ramadhan), i am still inconsistent with my ibadah but i know that it is improving as compared to before. therefore, i pray very hard for istiqamah in my ibadaah. with the people around me supporting me in my change, i can never thank Allah enough. He is the best and He will always want the best for me.

yesterday, my friends and I went to kuala lumpur to settle our visa applications for our bangladesh trip this end of june. i remember the conversation we had in the car before zuhur prayer,

friend 1: so where should we go?
friend 2: i dont mind, im not from here. anywhere should be fine.
me: we can have a go at utm. and just look around their campus.
friend 1: okay, lets go

*went around utm, being mesmerised as it is small campus but hey, they are equipped with everything + they have a mall just for the students and everything is cheap!*

friend 1: so where should we go next?
me: can we go to the mosque and take a quick afternoon nap? i'll get moody if i dont
friend 2: oh i guess we're the same then, i must sleep for a bit
friend 1: hmm which mosque do you guys prefer?
friend 2: dont they have a mosque in utm?
me: yeah! they must have
friend 1: oh they do, lets go

we took a short, 20 minutes nap just before zuhur prayer. after the azan, we prayed. while waiting for my other 2 friends, i decided to read the quran as i am way left behind. i figured, it's okay if i dont get to finish the quran, it is as long as i still try. if i dont try, my ramadhan would be wasted. as i was reading the quran, one friend joined and then comes the other. and in that moment, i remember having a smile on my face. it was very mutual, it was very spiritual, it was just a different level of connection.

i could go on and on about what i went through this whole month, but the short story above basically reflects everything. why?

1) we went to busy busy KL to settle our visa applications. this indirectly reflects the fact that we had classes of long hours during ramadhan as well as clinical rotations. this just reflects how busy we are in carrying our daily responsibilities as a student.

2) we took some time off from our daily responsibilities by taking a quick nap, praying and reading the quran. it is a direct reflection of what we've ALL been doing this ramadhan. it's just a way of God telling us that, "why not take a rest with me? i'll be here for you". because immediately after we take a break, we feel energised again to proceed with our daily undertakings.

it's just beautiful.

before i close off this entry, i just want to remind myself and everyone else that although eid is around the corner, the last 10 nights of ramadhan is very essential, very spiritual and very intimate. so let us finish this ramadhan off beautifully with practicing good deeds so that we will have a blast during hari raya aidilfitri. no guilt, just a lot of fun!

Update.

hi everyone. wow, it's been so long since i wrote anything on here. but, i'm back here mostly because i am trying my best to not go back to the socials. why? because it took so much of my time. i know some will disagree and say that i cant prioritise well. but hey, if its not good for me, its not good for me and there's that. also, i've been feeling so much better without it.

anyway, the reason for my writing is just to express how i'm feeling. i want to stop depending on other people to care for how i feel. you cant force people to care about you, they also have things to think about. lately, i have been feeling so lonely. there are always people around me, maybe not the right ones? i have no idea and i really don't have a say in this. it gets confusing because sometimes i prefer being alone which leads me to blame myself on why i feel lonely most of the time. but then again, if i'm surrounded by the wrong people no matter how hard i try, i will still feel lonely.

it gets so much worse when i am on my period. i am already insecure as it is, when i am on my period, the feeling just doubles. i have tried multiple things to distract myself, i want to feel good all the time but most of the time, i just end up crying my feelings out. it gets really sad because i realise that i have no one to talk to. most of the time, i feel sorry for myself and just end up distancing myself from people even more. this semester has been crazy for me. i feel more like myself, i feel more comfortable in my own skin now but in reality, it just makes me feel worse. i feel more. and i'm not sure if that is what rational people do. i am sad all the time and i don't know what to do. i enjoy sad songs, i enjoy sad movies, i just enjoy everything that is sad only because i can relate to it.

lately, i have been less angry to other people and try to understand that nobody is perfect especially myself. so if people do something that pushes my buttons, i just have to understand that, that's just how it is and to never do it. if it hurts people, don't do it. i'm grateful for the ability to feel this way and i pray i don't repeat my past mistakes, i pray for the ability to continuously learn.

i keep telling myself. maybe people repel away from you because you give off a very uncomfortable vibe. at the same time, there are people who gets excited when i'm around and i'm grateful for people like these. i truly am. is it because i am an introvert, i don't prefer wide social interactions? i have no idea. i just want friends. there's so much i want to do but i don't have friends to do them with. sad. but...

i also want to thank Allah for iman, fareeha and mashitah. they are the reason why my life is so vibrant. their mentality, their thinking is so beautiful, i feel appreciated that i am a part of what's in their head. i might feel sad about a lot of things lately. but i should also constantly thank Allah for beautiful people in my life. people who still cherish me. people who still care for me. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

i would also like to thanks my significant other for going through everything with me. i pray he becomes the best he can be.

alessia cara - i guess that's why they call it the blues

YOLO vs Hasty Decisions

Hey guys! I know I havent been writing but whatever, ima just start and im so excited xD
Based on the title, some of y'all might be thinking im getting married or something but NO, its just a thought and I wonder if there are more people like me out there. Of course there are and I hope that when y'all are curious about this, when you google about this, you'll find my post and we'll end up being friends!

Oh yeah, the one more thing I realize that's new about me is that I love people now, I swear I love interacting with people in general and I love making people smile and laugh but heh that is not why Im here so here goes!

Have you ever wonder if your crazy decisions are considered as hasty decisions or maybe youre just living the life you've always wanted, in this case #YOLO? I get confused all the time because obviously crazy decisions are considered not mature and I agree because the effects are so bad. But then again, I believe that I do make crazy decisions at the right time. So..if I do crazy things at the right time, is that considered as a hasty decision? Since the second semester, Ive been doing impromptu stuff and surprisingly, I turn to be so happy! Probably because Ive been wanting to do that for quite a while now xD
Being the girl who is always restricted from going where I wanna go and meeting who I want to meet makes me feel like letting go BUT then again, dont get me wrong, I still consider what my parents will think of it.
Hear this, finals are coming in approximately 2-3 weeks and omg I decided to tag along with my dad's colleagues to Krabi during study week! Tell me, is that hasty or is that YOLO?
Considering that ill be basically travelling for free, I call it YOLO y'all cause this opportunity doesnt just come rolling in my case so pfsh xD
People always say that nothing good comes after midnight but hey, thats the best part of my day to be honest because it is a new day and the things people tell you makes you feel so intimate with the person and I swear, I love and appreciate that so much! xD

Okay, before I go crazier, I might as well stop here and proceed with my assignments! See ya!

Start again lah eh?

 Assalamualaikum!

I know my previous blog posts suck but, its okay, I wont delete them because it is a good reference to improve myself in the future.

I have been neglecting my blog due to being mostly busy and tired simultaneously in the past few months. Now that I am on semester break, I am thinking of writing more because its sucks keeping it all inside. Well, I am not going to vomit out everything here, but I love writing what I go through the day.

I cant keep up with handwritten journals because I write slow but types really fast hence making my blog as a personal journal (okay maybe not that personal)

I wont write deep shit here just because I dont like doing that unless I genuinely feel that, then I will. Okay, bullshit but its okay, I can write whatever I want.

Despite having interest in veterinary medicine, I am also into writing and "vlogging". I really hope that I can balance everything. I also hope that the effort I put into all this helps me in the future insyaAllah. Rezeki Allah tu dalam pelbagai bentuk kan? So, no hate for the things I do tau.

I also believe that by being more active in writing and "vlogging", I can increase my self-confidence and stop thinking about what other people think of me. I am still struggling with things in my life and if people are not supporting then, I'm sorry for you bae!

Okay, I'm going to continue packing my things, head to the veterinary hospital for my last day of small animal practicals and head to Langkawi with my family, insyaAllah :D

Practical baes!

Missing ruminant practicals

Career Week 2015 (Assignment 2)

I am very honoured and proud being a part of the Veterinary Faculty.
Why?
It is because this faculty provides the DVM students with various programmes and activities to enjoy starting off with Career Week 2015.
I was looking forward to Career Week due to the fact that we will be seeing awesome veterinarians face to face and this is an opportunity that does not come rolling anytime. I appreciate the seniors for putting all this together as they have been spending tons and tons of blood, sweat and tears to result in such a wonderful programme.

Here are the list of veterinarians who were invited to give us a clear picture on what this profession is all about:

1) Dr. Ardhy Bin Adnan (Department of Veterinary Services)
2) Dr. Paul Chelliah Suppiah (Veterinary Association Malaysia)
3) Dr. Melissa Phoon (Small Animals Doctor)
4) Dr. Yew Ee Ling (Pharmaceutical)
5) Dr. Chua Chee Heng (Psychology)
6) Dr. Rebecca Tan (Equine Doctor)
7) Dr. Eve Foong Yee Wei (Wildlife Doctor)
8) Dr. Bahsharuddin Mohd Sharif (Poultry Doctor)
9) Dr. Mohd Shafarin Bin Shamsuddin (Research)
10) Prof. Dato' Dr. Mohamed Shariff Mohamed Din (Aquatic Doctor)

To be honest, I have always seen the veterinary profession as only being able to treat small animals such as cats, dogs, rabbits etc but no, being a veterinarian is about being considerate and treating animals right and when I say animals, I mean, all of the animals species. It is also amazing (and no surprise :P) that the doctors hit us with nothing but reality. They mentioned that being a veterinary student is not easy and we should never give up but in the end, it will all be worth it because it is not just about the money that comes our way but it is also about the satisfaction of being able to treat animals we love. Also, the doctors mention that being a veterinarian is also about having the highest level of patience because we deal with a lot of deaths but they will also be times where we feel happy being able to treat the animal. Subsequently, most of the doctors mentioned that having a good communication skill is very essential in this veterinary profession. Veterinarians should not be shy, we have to very open and clear about what we do. Although our patients generally do not speak to tell us what is wrong but having to deal with the patient's owner requires an excellent communication skill.
Now that I am clear about what this profession has to offer, I believe that I want to pursue my career in the wildlife sector or the marine sector. The reason why I am interested in wildlife and marine/aquatic animals is because I love dealing with animals that we dont always see everyday and I know, it will be worth my time. Also, as a kid, I loved scuba diving and I have the license for it, this is also one of the main reason why I want to pursue my career as a marine veterinarian. I just love the ocean. Prof. Dato' Dr. Mohamed Shariff inspired me so much in what I want to do, I am glad we had the opportunity to get tips and tricks to survive in this industry.
In conclusion, I enjoyed Career Week 2015 so much! I am definitely looking forward for more faculty activities!

P/s: I dont really have pictures for Career Week 2015. Dr. Sue, you can see how focused I was :P

The purge

Assalamualaikum!

It has been a long time since I blogged about anything so something really interesting popped in my mind. Last year, during Eid, my cousin persuaded me into watching The Purge. Well, you know how Eid is all about watching movies with all your family and stuff, I dont know if that's the case for you, but yeah, that's the case for me. So okay, The Purge is basically where any type of crime, including murder will be legal for a 12 hour period. Dont worry, it is not a real thing in America, but it could be possible to me due to extreme oppression that some americans do face everyday. A lot of politicians have discussed this thoroughly. Also, in that 12 hour period, all type of services (ambulans etc) will not be available. Scary? Super scary. I cannot imagine myself being a part of The Purge, whether I will survive through it or not, I dont know. Nonetheless, the whole point of The Purge, according to this movie, is for everyone to get a chance to cleanse themselves. I cant really define the word "cleanse" in this context, that has to depend on what the person wants out of The Purge, really.

 

As a muslim, I strongly disagree with this concept. Why should we even support it? Murder among Muslims is haraam. We can kill non muslims if we want, that is if only you hear them making fun of Islam. If you dont, you cant kill them. So, it would be no point if it were to be applied in Malaysia. I know, in this movie, they're trying to portray that America is a country that puts justice before anything else. The poor people are constantly being ordered by the wealthy to do ridiculous things to save themselves. For example, the wealthy would pay the poor tons of money just to make the person they dislike, disappear forever. Obviously, the poor would take the blame, thats the use of the money given in the first place. The first part of this money, showed how rich people protect themselves from The Purge and the second part of this movie shows how poor people protect themselves from The Purge. At the same time, the wealthy can choose to buy a poor person and kill them in their houses for the sake of cleansing themselves. The family of the poor will be paid a lot of money. Wow, that is still injustice to me. In the first part of the movie, it showed how poor people roam around the neighborhood of the wealthy, to scare them, and then kill them, violently. But of course, the wealthy had prepared as well by protecting their houses with super excellent, bulletproof metal to avoid the poor from invading their houses. 

Shockingly, not all of the wealthy are mean. Some of them would sacrifice their family to help the poor by killing their own family members. Scary or not, you decide.
 People who are participating in The Purge usually wears a scary mask. To be honest, I dont see the whole point of wearing a mask because they would usually kill people who dont even remember them but then it hits, even best friends could kill each other. They would torture the person they want to murder first, and then kill them so if a best friend were to kill another best friend, they wouldnt want their best friend to know that their murderer is their own best friend. In this case, you should never commit a single to foul to anybody.

All in all, I frankly think this is a great movie but the implementation of the concept that this movie tries to portray should be strictly prohibited. Who knows, what shall happen to the population of America. It might be a good thing for some of you, but everything should be up to Allah. We, humans have no single power to determine on who we want to dead or alive. Thats it.

Asasi Sains Pertanian (AsPer)

Assalamualaikum.
Forgive me due to lack of Salam in my previous blog posts.

Alhamdulillah, I just finished my foundation about 2 weeks ago. The reason why I just started blogging about it is because I have been completely unproductive for the past 2 weeks. I had to replace all my sleepless nights because lack of sleep can actually cause depression and I can literally feel the lack of sleep killing me inside. Allah has told us in Surah Baqarah not to put ourselves feeling torturous so you get where I am going with the sleeping there.
I also learnt to cook as I have promised my mother and my friends to do so, Alhamdulillah, it's improving but the things that I cook can still taste weird.
Anyways, I know a lot of people are wondering on what it is to be a part of AsPer (Asasi Sains Pertanian) because a lot of people have never actually heard about it and they keep assuming that it is 100% agricultural courses only. First of all, AsPer is basically similar to any other science foundation but with an addition of agriculture as an extra subject that is going to boost your pointer each semester [never underestimate agriculture, it is everything] . Second, we can't choose to drop any subject, whether you like the subject or not, you have to learn and sit for it during exams for all the subjects offered by the course.
Although, no pressure. I can honestly say that, an automatic driving force is going to come your way insyaAllah (dua required) because you are going to be competing with great, intelligent people. That is also going to make you want to be a part of it, in a good way (:

Pusat Asasi Sains Pertanian offers 6 subjects per semester (3 semesters in total - 1 year)
Semester 1- Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics (algebra), Agriculture and English
Semester 2- Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics (calculus), Agriculture and Computer Science
Semester 3- Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics (Statistics), Agriculture and English

Bismillah, let's begin!

Semester 1

Being a newbie was both great and scary. It was great because seniors will have no choice but to guide you in everything and this is when you get to meet kakaks-kakaks(for girls)/akhi-akhi(for boys), and get close to them. During high school, we used to have usrah sessions with our teachers and I was looking for things like that here, because you know, our imaan is blergh. I met a lot of kakaks to guide me and my friends all the way. The cons of being a newbie was that, you tend to be lost both mentally and physically. You tend to not know which bus to take. What's worse was when there was a change in class schedule and there was no proper medium of informing so, you get confused and scared.
Everyone has their own struggles, and to be honest, physics and math literally got me. I struggled with those 2 subjects but hamdalillah, whatever I got was what's best for me. As for practical, we had lab sessions for biology, chemistry and physics. We also had amali ladang every friday evening. It was very interesting! Consider it as a stress reliever, plus, all the knowledge you'll get on forests, animals, crops, soils are precious, cherish that.
Basically, the first semester was a semester of adaptation. It might be easy for some people, it might be tough for some people, that depends but you will always make it through (with constant prayers and effort), insyaAllah.

Semester 2 

Frankly, the second semester was one of the best phase to go through as an AsPer student. This is the semester where I was well-adapted to the surroundings, closer to both class mates and room mates, had a well-established relationship with seniors, more active in both university and college activities and the best part was, I got closer to almost all of my lecturers as well. Yes, dont be scared, they love it when you consult them in anything, really. I am so grateful for wonderful lecturers <3. Hamdalillah. If I can make it through, I know you can, insyaAllah. Just dont neglect your family, they are all you need [second after Allah though].
For this semester, I struggled with Mathematics as we had to master calculus. I have always been a little bit slow in mathematics but what I know for sure, the effort was worth it. Probably not the best result but alhamdulillah for everything.
As for agriculture, we were learning more about the food industries in Malaysia so the practical was about visiting factories of food production etc. Yes, free hand-made ice cream, santan sawit (yes! santan from palm oil, Subhanallah, amazing!), drinks etc. Amazing, I loved it. Subsequently, I got closer to Nurul Diyana Bt Mohd Yusob during the second semester. I have never met anyone so identical to my heart and soul. I am not exaggerating, this is true. Heck, she was born a day after I was born, got to love that. See, we were both attached to the library. We enjoyed studying at the library. For your information, don't be scared to stay at the library as long as possible, everything is in convenience.

Semester 3

Ah, I love this semester so much. The love has grown. Also, this is the semester where we had to decide on what course we want to pursue for our degree. It was a semester full of thinking and muhasabah. It feels like everything is going by so fast. The lecturers get more awesome and more awesome each semester. It felt as it they were parents to us.
Like I said before, there must be a struggle in each semester. I was struggling with Chemistry during the third semester. Weird, because I have always loved Chemistry but if Allah ordains it, then it will happen. By the way, we had to learn Organic Chemistry where it is all about memorising and less calculating. Memorising chemistry was not easy but the effort needs to be there. Each effort is precious, trust me. Am still attached to the library though hehe.
I also started getting close to Syafiqah Bt Zazali. Oh my, funny and honest one right here. I hope that I can annoy you for the rest of my life, oh, and you're welcome in advance (:
Gala Dinner AsPer was amazing! Everyone looked gorgeous!
I bet you're wondering, as for agriculture, we had practicals as well but it was all indoors because in the third semester, we learned on agricultural business. Was not easy, but it was a lot of fun. We also had one practical where we had to help sell fish, chicken, beef, vegetable, fruits etc to the public at a Pasar Tani. What an experience, definitely worth it.
Unfortunately, we had to realise that AsPer is reaching to a painful end, everyone in it is amazing. Attached or not, everyone in it played a significant role in my life.

Pictures (: [I look crappy in most of it, but whatever, there is really nothing I can do about it]

Amali ladang (sem 1)

Erni and Diyana :D

Jamuan (sem 1)

The girls of 14 :* (sem 1)

Favourite person, ever. (sem 3)

Maryam; suka buat orang gelak. (sem 3)

After badminton training (sem 3)

Auffa memang suka photoshoot. (sem 3)

Favourite person (sem 3)

Last chemistry lab session (sem 3)

Syirbear. (sem 3)

Semua muka tak boleh blah. But this is the best moment ever. I love you room mates. (sem 3)

To my room mates and classmates,
Whatever we went through was awesome. More than awesome, really. I shall cherish it forever, insyaAllah. I wouldn't want to share it with the world, let it remain in my head as to inform you on how special it was :D
[Lol it could be also be that I dont remember any of it :P nah im kidding, of course I remember]