the brain

hi everyone

Bismillah.
So recently, I went to consult a cognitive psychologist just because my mum claims that I need one and yeah, maybe I do need one just to know how my brain is doing. I am not going to lie, it costs a lot, but it is worth it as I am now able to take control of my brain, i think. It is interesting how the brain works, our brains are capable of so many things. Even the things that we think are impossible. MasyaAllah this organ is magnificent. Therefore, I discovered a new interest. I would consider taking cognitive psychology. I just want to know how people interpret new things, people's study pattern, the capability of the brain and more. Basically, I just want to know how the brain works. I love the brain Ya Allah, like so much. It is not an organ as long as the intestine or as big and abundant as the skin heck, we cant even see it but it is something so significant that it controls our body. Yes, we've seen pictures on how it looks like, but dont you ever wonder how your own brain actually looks like? (Its probably going to be the same in pictures but heh)

But still, veterinary will always be my first choice. I love animals so much and I want to learn their anatomy so that when I see animals falling sick etc, I can actually do something about it instead of saying, "kesiannya baby" and leave for the fact that I can never do anything about it.
Actually the main purpose of this blog post is to share the results of my brain measurement. Well..I thought that it was great but results show that I am stressed and depressed and that result literally got me thinking, am I? because I frankly dont feel stressed or depressed. Probably I am just tired but my body doesnt seem to show it. The trainer was a bit terrified with my result as it was beyond the normal rate so he taught me and my brother some brain relaxation exercises and also, exercises on how to maintain both the right and the left brain as he recommends us to be a "midbrainer" instead of a "right brainer" or a "left brainer". (note that those are not actually real terms)
We also had the opportunity to play some interesting games that can help increase our brain attention. It was interesting Ya Allah. Even after all that, my results still show that I am depressed and stressed. In case if youre wondering about my brother's result, hes just fine. Heck, he's doing more than fine. The trainer also said that my brain is still thinking when I sleep and it is never relaxed. Well, I dont really have anything to say about that though. Yes, my trainer was so worried that he called up my parents to come over. OKAY, this is getting serious. 

 

Since then, every morning, my parents would ask, "are you okay?", "you dont have to clean the house today, we'll do it", "are you tired?" which will limit the things that I usually do. I mean, I am not saying i enjoy doing house chores but it is something that I am used to. Somehow, I do appreciate my parents concern though, they were concerned before, but lately, they've been stopping me from doing the things that might tire me which in some cases, I do enjoy. Okay, so I'll be studying for the rest of my life lah kot agaknya aha. Ok maybe not like that.
I also discovered that heh if my parents were not being able to see me as "depressed", then I must be so great at covering it up aha. I fervently hope that my mum reads this and just to clarify things,

I am not stressed or depressed. Maybe, I think too much. 
But truly, I am happy.

  

eh?

Life.
Ya Allah, why is it so difficult?

Death.
Ya Allah, why am I feeling that I am not ready for it?

Ya Allah. Why am I so ungrateful? I keep thinking that everything is difficult. I should learn to be more grateful due to the fact that Allah has grant me a good, stable life. Mashaa Allah. Each time I read the Quran, I feel so happy reading the verses mentioning Jannah and the all the goods of Jannah that all the Mu'mineen will receive. Subhanallah. I am determined to be more "imanfull" :D

Suddenly, shaitaan comes and be like, "ARE YOU SURE YOURE PART OF THE MU'MINEEN?"
And then, it somehow affected me, then I start saying in my head, "Ya Allah, my sins are too much, i dont think I am part of the mu'mineen heck FAR from the muqarrabin, so far, too far. I am so worried of my faith."
Shaitaan says, "might as well you dont do anything. You dont get neither sins nor rewards from Allah SWT".
and then I start thinking, "oh yeah! but im not sure if its a good idea to be in the safe zone. I do want to contribute something to the ummah."

And then I end feeling unworthy.
This keeps me thinking, if this happens to me, or any one of us, am I, are we grateful enough?
I dont know...myself.
But dont worry, Allah is so forgiving that when you say, "O Allah, you are my creator, forgive me!", Allah says, "O my slave! I love you and you are forgiven!". Just believe that and you will be the most peaceful person walking on the surface of this earth.

I should stop comparing myself with others, instead, I focus on my own imaan and faith and if Allah wills it, I would want to help others to increase their imaan. But, I should spend most of my time, thinking about MY OWN akhlaq, MY OWN faith, MY OWN ibadah. Trust yourself, you will be free of depression and stress.

woke woke leggo leggo boleh punyaaaaaaa yang penting, bismillah. Allah oh Allah, kami semua love you so much we hope you love us juga, hi hi hi hi hi hi!
*Its okay to be mengada with Allah kan hihi*

cause i am an introvert

Bismillah.

My take on introverts.

 

 

introvert: Someone who is concerned with their internal self over external things. Marked by interest in or preoccupation with one's own thoughts or feelings; often shy or reserved. 

I just realized that I am one, due to the fact that A LOT of people said so and I constantly take personality tests to confirm so. Yeah, I am an introvert.

Allah created us differently hence the existence of introverts and extroverts. I am not trying to say one is better than than the other but, both have their own advantages and disadvantages. Since I am an introvert, I shall talk about the introvert-ish stuff. 

Being an introvert is all about thoughts and not words. I think a lot but I dont really express them through words. I wouldnt say that I express them with actions all the time, no, but it is either I do it or just keep inside this big old head of mine. What is fun about being an introvert is that I dont really give a crap about what people have to say to me. As long as I am not going against the sharia' then im good. I also dont really give a crap about attention and all that, in fact, I hate being noticed. I really do. Texts and calls from people are not really a big issue for me. Next, I prefer being quiet but that excludes when my family and best friends are present. Oh yeah, thats the thing about introverts, I find myself more attached to the people that I've known for at least more than 5 years. But if I am already close to a person that I've known for a year, then I guess he/she is just special. Unlike extroverts, they are able to connect with everyone, including strangers that they've just known for at least an hour and seriously, THAT is a great skill masyaAllah.

I seriously, like seriously, enjoy being alone and I love those long walks, alone as well. I just love spending so much with my thoughts and the environs! To be frank here, I sometimes think that people will like me and my personality if they actually know me BUT i never know how to let people in. That is why sometimes, my parents will never understand why it is not easy for me to say 'hi' to their friend's children. Hah. I am a home person. I LOVE LOVE being at home. I would do anything for my family to not bring me outside of the house. I know some people cant really stay at home due to the fact that they're very adventurous, curious and probably spending their life wisely more than I am. Home is the safest place I know, There's so much to do at home and I thank Allah for granting me and my family a nice home, alhamdulillah, I also love doing things myself. You might think of me as selfish and self-centered but my work will be done if I am alone. Probably because we introverts are scared of being judged based on the things that we like which will then bring our confidence down. Introverts are not shy, they're just super quiet. I love studying when everyone is asleep. Why? Because I can get my work done and I love people sleeping, it makes me happy due to the fact that they deserve that rest.
Generally, I discover that introverts are likely less to suffer from peer pressure. Although, I cannot say that I dont like introverts. No. They are the voices of the introverts, they lead us. Heck, I love extroverts. My parents, my best friends are all extroverts. I truly love them, so much and I am grateful that they are able to accept me for who I am. Most of my teachers are extroverts, but I know some who are introverts and that did not stop them from pouring their knowledge to other people. It doesnt really matter if we are either extroverts or introverts, we both can benefit something to the society insyaAllah. Allah loves us and that is why He created us to complete each other to work as one. We are brothers and sisters, we are one ummah and most importantly, we are family.
*hehehehehehe*

I can literally go on and on and on and on about being an introvert but we should know that there is no such thing as being a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. We have a mixture of both but of course, one has to be more dominant than the other. You know what's best? Being an ambivert. 

Wudhu' - by Kak Maria Elena

when we wash our face, with each wash, we pray that our face will be filled with nur (light) when we meet Him in the Hereafter, that our face brings ease to our families and friends
when we wash our mouth, with each wash, we pray that we speak with truth and honesty, that we speak words that ease the listeners, that we speak of things that are beneficial, that we can control our tongues from speaking and eating things that are haram
when we wash our ears, with each wash, we pray that our ears will listen to things that will raise our iman, that we listen to the Quran often, that we become good listeners to people
when we wash our hands/arms, we pray with each wash that our hands/arms will do beneficial things for others, that they'll answer to Allah of the deeds that we've used them for
when we wash our head, we pray that Allah will increase us in knowledge of the Deen, that Allah will increase us with understanding of the Deen, that Allah allows us to use our knowledge for good, that we increase our remembrance of Allah SWT 
when we wash our feet, we pray that our feet will take us to places that are clean, good, and beneficial like masjids and majlis-majlis ilmu, that our feet will be strong at standing up for what is right and halal, that our feet will keep us on the siratal mustaqim (the Right Path) and bring us to Paradise

This is written by Kak Maria Elena btw, I thought that this is very inspiring (: 
So let's persevere in performing our ablutions more perfectly, insyaAllah :D 

Jom ler jadi multitasker

To live is to multitask.

I remember, a few weeks ago, I quarreled with my mother about not wanting to help her in the kitchen because I wanted to study for my finals.

Oh boy, I was setupido.

After a few minutes of quarreling, my mum said something which made me freeze. She said, "if you want to live in this world today, you have to learn how to multitask! How are you suppose to get married if you can only do one thing at a time?! How are you suppose to balance between work and family?! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO BALANCE BETWEEN YOUR DUNYA AND YOUR AKHIRAH?". Terus ha kau, kept quiet with nothing to say, padan muka saya.
I immediately stopped what I was currently doing at that time and helped my mum in the kitchen. Alhamdulillah, received a wonderful dua from my mum. She asked to Allah to put barakah in my time and knowledge. Seriously, I felt like crying. Eh wait, I did cry because I felt guilty of quarreling with her in the first place, it must've hurt her feelings. For all the things I've done to her, she still makes dua for me. You are magic. Your heart is magic, Allah Allah..

My mum' s probably more fashionable than I am :P

 Moving on, what I am trying to say here is, always help your loved ones, ESPECIALLY your mother if she needs help no matter the circumstances. InsyaAllah, Allah will put barakah in your time. InsyaAllah, have faith in Him! Always ask Allah to put barakah in your time so that you have the ability to learn so much in very little time.

Plus, I think our parents are a good medium for Allah to 'tegur' what we did wrong. Sometimes, our parents scold us like crazy and ending up making us feel so bad ourselves. Hence, we seek Allah for ultimate sabr in enduring His challenges. So, always seek the wisdom behind our parents scolding us as that could be hidayah from Allah to our parents in order to correct our errs and mishaps.

So....may we always seek the wisdom behind everything to be happy both in this dunya as well as akhirah, insyaAllah!

Say NO to maisy' dhanka!

Growing up. It's normal.

I am currently studying physics for tomorrow and suddenly, "Solla Alaikallah" started playing.

*flashing back*

My mum used to sing "Solla Alaikallah" for me and brother every night when we were kids. Her voice was perfect, and I cant help but cry listening to this.

I realized, JUST REALIZED, that my parents are getting older.

So am I.

I remember my mum sang, "nanti bila besar, jadi wanita solehah"

Yes, she altered the song.

I am not sure of what I have become today. I am still confused. Witnessing everyone around me having their imaan boosting...makes me happy.

But, it makes me wonder..

What about my imaan? What about my taqwa?

All I can do right now is improve daily. But..how?

Sometimes, I think to myself, when I feel so down, depressed and not confident, shaitaan definitely takes over. This is when I am in the state of low imaan. I, we, tend to forget Allah is always there.

But...definitely, Allah knows what is in each heart.

I really hope youre getting where Im going here..(:

It could be that Allah want us to feel depressed, through shaitaan, for us to seek Him.

Dont misunderstand me.

So, it is my turn now to fight shaitaan and seek Allah instead of entertaining him.

"Why that feeling O Allah? The feeling of depression..the feeling of low confidence and low self-esteem?", I asked.

Probably because I did boast about my imaan. Imaan is a secret. It is only between me and Allah. Ain't that true?

Yes.

Plus, we will never know the state of our imaan until we are tested.

We could be reading, "bismillah" when sipping a cup of tea..

But we could be cursing and swearing and forgetting Allah once we are tested.

I want to change to the better.

Let's change to the better.