I've told you know

You know what I mean,
It's like walking in the heat all day,
with no water,
It's like waiting for a friend,
watching everybody else meet theirs,
on that corner,
Or losing in argument,
though you're right,
can't get your thoughts in order,
Still I refrain,
from talking at you, talking on,
You know me well,
I don't explain.
Why the heck,
Why do you think I come around here on my free will?
Wasting all my precious time, oh.
The truth spills out,
Oh, I've told you now.

#1 things that make me happy

Bismillah! Salam everyone :D

I love being happy. Dont you?
No doubt, we love happiness.
May happiness never be far behind us. InsyaAllah.
This might be weird so be prepared.

1. I love coming home to my room mates sleeping

Frankly, my room mates are people who really strive and struggle to achieve the best. I love it when they spend most of their time swallowing and digesting tons and tons of knowledge, it motivates me. But...I fervently think that they deserve some rest. It soothes me seeing them asleep. It makes me happy the fact that Allah has given them the opportunity to lay their head down for a while.

2. When my playlist hits the track "Subhanallah" by Maher Zain and "Rabbibil Mustafa" by Hafiz Hamidun

It literally takes 15 minutes from our college to the foundation centre. Since I am an introvert, I spend most of time listening to music and reading a book. I get so excited when these two tracks start to play, I feel contentment and satisfaction. Alhamdulillah.

3. Sharing food with my room mates

I have never been in a boarding school before so I dont really know the feeling of buying food to share with my room mates. I usually have the food all to myself at home. Trust me, it is a beautiful feeling to walk to the Ramadhan Bazaar, surveying the food that it has to offer and buying them with only one intention, "nak beli banyak sikitlah, nanti boleh buka puasa, makan dengan room mates.". Alhamdulillah.

4. When my mum instantly comes to visit me when she misses me instead of calling me 

Yes, people do label me "budak manja". The thing is, I do not care what they have to say. My mum is close to me and I would like to cherish every moment I have with her. My mum keeps reminding me that she is not getting any younger day by day...My mum also likes to mention the fact that when I'm married, I would not be spending as much time with my mum anymore. My home would be in my husband's home and not my parent's home anymore. When I come to think of it, it is true. In a nutshell, I do not see the harm in being close to my mum when I have the time. I need her, I tell her everything.

5. When the girls ask me how I style my hijab

This makes me want to cry, all the time. Subhanallah. (':
One time, I went back with my classmate but we were not that close. We were in the bus, she started talking to me about aurah. It goes like this :-

Syasya: Sab, aku nak tanya benda boleh?
Me: Oh tanyalah. Apa dia?
Syasya: Macam mana kau jadikan shawl ni labuh? Aku tengok orang lain pakai, jadi pendek juga. Aku try pun jadi pendek juga.
Me: OHHH, senang je, nanti kita tunjuk eh, insyaAllah
Syasya: Sebenarnya, aku dah lama nak tanya kau tapi aku segan takut kau kata apa pula nanti kat aku
Me: Ehhh takdalah! Tanya je kita, kita lagi suka adalah
Syasya: Okok, weekend ni aku nak pergi jalan TAR nak beli wide shawl banyak banyak, senang sikit. Aku nak start lah pakai tutup sikit
Me: Yayyyyy
Syasya: *giggles*

Subhanallah. That is the only thing I can say.
What my best friend, Kamalia said is true. She said,

"As long as you're not going against the shariah, never be ashamed of anything."
I can't seem to forget this, I love you best friend.

#1 Acts of a slave

Salam!

For the past few days, I realized one thing. We, despite the kindness, are quite selfish and only want what's best for us, ourselves. It is true, it is so difficult to commit to one person especially if you just knew them. Committing to one person can also push some our buttons, what about committing to the whole ummah?

The reason why I am writing today is to share this experience I went through a few hours ago. Generally, have you ever been left by a friend? Have you ever felt alone and hopeless without your friend? Well, I experienced that at a place that I have no idea about, at a place I know no one, at a place I am still trying to adapt in. It is so horrifying. What happened was..

It was 6:30 pm in the evening and it was raining. The sky was gloomy and coldness was one of the things that accompanied me. I was ready for my agriculture test tonight and I had the food to break my fast in my hands. I was suppose to go to the foundation centre with a friend. I tried calling her but my prepaid top up was zero. I am at wits end. I didnt know whether to just leave her or wait for her. Frankly, I was planning on leaving her due to the fact that I didnt want to be late for the test. But then, the biggest of guilt overpowered me so I decided to run to the college's hall to obtain free wifi to send her a message through what's app. I asked her where she was because I was waiting for her at the bus stop. She was online and she replied, "I am already at the foundation centre." I was so devastated but things do happen for a reason.

I ran back to the bus stop praying to Allah that there will be a bus at this time. It was 6:45 pm, I was alone, it was dark and raining. I was so scared. Suddenly a bus came, I rode the bus. Unfortunately, the bus driver had to stop me at the next bus station and disappointingly told me that the next bus would at 8:00 pm due to the fact that everyone was getting ready to break their fast. I felt like crying. I did not know what to do.

I thought, if I just stood there, nothing is going to ever happen and I will miss my test tonight. Immediately, I knew that Allah is with me and I can do this. I decided to walk all the way to the foundation centre. It was impossible due to the fact that it was raining and all the main gates were closed. I walked with tears streaming down my face. I knew that this test that Allah grants me is to increase my faith in Him.

As I was walking, I found out that the main gate to the foundation centre was closed. I tried to find another way to the foundation centre and my tears were my only company at that particular moment. I was literally planning on stopping a car to seek assistance. I knew that it was impossible to walk in that distance with the rain. It would a displeasing smell to the people in the exam hall and I would not want that to happen.

Suddenly.....

A sister that I knew passed by me. I was so happy, I screamed her name and stopped her. You might think what I did was rude and maybe even absurd but fear was the only thing that I felt. I was crying so badly and she immediately asked, "Eh Sabreena! Apa awak buat kat sini? Dah nak buka puasa dah." Immediately I replied, "Saya kena tinggal..Akak, boleh tak akak hantar saya kat pusat asasi?" So she said, "mestilah boleh. kesiannya sabreena.."
At that instantaneous moment, all I wanted to do was prostrate to Allah. Subhanallah. I managed to reach the foundation centre on time. Not just that, Allah eased my affair in sitting for my agriculture exam. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. It is true, when we ask, "When is Allah's aid coming to us?" Allah replies, "Indeed my aid is near." Subhanallah.

What did I learn from this?
1. Allah is always there. Always. No matter how "alone" you think you are. Know that you are not, you are never alone
2. Always remember Allah. In both hardship and ease. When we remember Allah in times of ease and happiness, He will definitely remember you in times of hardship
3. Our dependence is always Allah. You will never be sad about anything in this dunya
4. When our intentions are for Allah (seeking knowledge, visiting the sick etc), it is always eased by Allah no matter how much thorns we have to constantly step on

asdfghjkl

Bismillah!

Alhamdulillah, recently, Pusat Asasi Sains Pertanian (PASP) organized an amazing 3 day activity known as War Games for all the students currently taking foundation in science agriculture here in UPM. At first, I had zero driving force to make myself present for the war game as fatigue was overpowering me. Plus, exams are coming up and this would be the worst time to organize any outdoor activity. It felt as if I was a glass full of water and I didnt want even a single drop of water to be filled into my glass. But, this is what Allah ordains for me and therefore, I followed without a single doubt as to doubt him would be the worst thing to do and feel, nauzubillah.

We were divided into two huge groups where half us had to go Tanjung Malim, Perak and Jasin, Melaka. Alhamdulillah, Allah chose to me to be in Tanjung Malim. Nothing much happened when we arrived at the camp site during the day. We had ice breaking at night and it was an interesting way to get to know each other. After midnight, we were surprised with a 3 and a half hour of night walking in the jungle. The jungle of darkness and mystery. That night, that moment was great for me. Why?
Before we left, the ranger who lead us kept reminding to remember Allah and to have faith in Him when we call upon Him. From having the most fear in my heart, I had a smile carved on my face when the ranger said that. One more thing, the ranger also said that Allah SWT is bashful. HOW? He feels bashful and shy when He didnt grant His slaves' calling upon Him but Allah SWT always wants what's best for us. I smiled and went through the whole night walk adventure with full hope and trust to Allah SWT. I love Him and I am hoping that He loves me too. During the night walk, we had to pass through the cold water of the river. As i dip my feet in the water, I felt the coldness creeping into my skin then into my bones. It was extreme. Bravely, I looked around and wondered. O Allah, if the rivers on this earth is already so beautiful and listening to the streams of it brings serenity into my heart, what about the rivers in Your Jannah that You already promised us? That was the ultimate question that played in my mind.
Immediately, I realized that I did not match the criteria of being in Allah's Jannah. *sigh* Tears streamed down my face. My friend thought that I was terrified of the darkness. I was grateful that she took some time to comfort me, Alhamdulillah. And that moment, all I can think of was Allah SWT. He was the light, the light that lights me through the darkness.

During survival night, all 13 groups were merged into one group and then were further divided into three huge groups. We were left to survive by ourselves in the jungle for a night and were supposed to be back at the camp site by dawn. We were not provided with anything. Immediately, we divided tasks such as collecting wood to attain fire, clean the sleeping area and many more. As the night painted through the day, we felt more challenges crept in uninvited. We were hungry, thirsty and sleepy. Honestly, I did not know which situation to prioritize at that moment. Alhamdulillah, a ranger came and gave us a huge bag of raw chicken, turmeric, salt and fried rice. We were so grateful for the fact that food was present for us to consume. To be frank, yes, I am scared of the dark. Sooner or later, I would have to overcome this fear so I decided to help everyone with washing the raw chicken at the river. I was scared, yes. What gave me strength is all of my friends' faces, their faces portrayed hunger and exhaustion. I had to do it, it is not a choice. After washing the chicken, some of the girls marinate the chicken with turmeric and salt and later, the boys handled all the cooking as they were to find bamboo sticks to hang the chicken while waiting for it to cook.

As I looked up the sky that night, MasyaAllah i was mesmerized by the beautiful stars shining and dancing above us. I loved it, it was so wonderful. The stars made me smile and at that instantaneous moment I knew that Allah is telling that is okay through His beautiful stars. Subhanallah.

In a nutshell, I had the time of my life. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. I do not know how much "Alhamdulillahs" I can blurt anymore to express my gratitude to Allah SWT.

A short message : Overcoming one's fear is definitely one of the  best achievements one can attain. Why? It is then one realizes that Allah is the only one everyone should be fearful of. 

Challenges.

Assalamualaikum!

To start off, I am so grateful that Allah has chosen me to be here, in Universiti Putra Malaysia. It might not be the best for you, but I am confident that it is the best for me, Alhamdulillah. So, yesterday I had a group discussion at one of the university's cafeteria which I can say is nearby the college I am currently practicing "my new lifestyle" right now. I took some time looking around. I took some time thinking while looking around. Immediately, I say to myself.

"This is it. This is the life. The life on campus. The life that you have been yearning for so bad. The life where to be myself is not even an option. The life full of thorns. The life that will test your faith as well as your patience."

All my life, I have been in a private school, preschool included. I am not even joking. Once i turned 18, I am being thrown in a government university. MasyaAllah, this is to test what have been taught to me for the past 17 years of my life. It is so wonderful how all of that is clear for me, Alhamdulillah.

In a situation like this, a situation where I have the opportunity to meet various people from various places and backgrounds makes me wonder and ponder, "Will I meet the person whose her heart is attached to Allah SWT?". That is literally THE BIG question that plays in my mind. Whatever it is, taqwa check is important. So....THE BIGGEST question should be, "Is MY HEART attached to Allah SWT?". They say, to find a good person is to be good yourself. I know most people would apply that to finding their life companion but I believe this would work in finding a good friend as well. Aren't friends considered to be life companions too?

When thinking and speaking about challenges, the first thing that pops into my mind would be the big, severe incident of Taif that Rasulullah SAW went through. It gets me everytime, EVERYTIME. When I feel like giving up with the lab reports that I assume are in abundance, hours and hours of lectures and tutorials, I think about what Rasulullah SAW had to go through at that phase. The phase where his beloved wife and uncle returned to Allah SWT simultaneously. The phase where he bled so bad that if people knew his worth, people would restraint his blood from flowing out of his body. What more can we really go through?

Know this, I have to face what is reality and grow up. The challenges that Allah grants me is only to make my faith in Him stronger. The calamities Allah grants US is only to make US, as an ummah stronger.

Isn't it better to be significant to Allah SWT by Him testing us rather than feel nothing at all?

Bismillah~

Alhamdulillah, I have learnt so much for the past few weeks. Indeed, His blessings are never ending and it is not righteous to never be grateful for what he has granted. Alhamdulillah!

One of the reasons why I created a blog is to share my opinions on something and also, to share what I have learnt from seminars and usrah sessions that I have been to.

I realize that I play a huge role in contributing to the ummah. I am really hoping that this would be a small step towards contributing to the ummah and insyaAllah, being closer to Allah.

“When you feel the sweetness of iman, share it with others”

MasyaAllah tabarakkallah!

May Allah ease our path to his Jannah of extravagance, insyaAllah, ameen!